One area where I differ from other therapists who provide couples counseling is my focus on exploring each individual partner’s earlier life experiences, or what I call their backstory. We all have our backstories, and these may lead us to develop emotional patterns that we ultimately bring into our relationships, often unintentionally.

​

These patterns can cause conflict and distance for the couple, and can even undermine any “techniques” or “exercises” they’ve tried in previous couples therapy. Many therapists who do couples therapy provide exercises, such as communication exercises.  I do as well. However, many therapists tend to neglect the underlying issues and each partner's backstory.  These underlying elements shape a partner's attitude and patterns, and therefoe can sabotage any exercise. It is therefore important to recognize and address these patterns in order to make therapy more productive and changes more lasting. Otherwise, couples therapy may begin to feel like a pointless merry-go-round (only not so merry).

​

Couples Counselling​ in New York, NY.

 

By truly listening and understanding your partner’s backstory, you can learn to understand their sensitivities, needs, and behavior from a new perspective. This will allow you each to gain more empathy for each other, which will facilitate your healing as a couple.

​

I will provide both you and your partner with direct feedback and suggestions on how to make productive changes to your relationship. But I assure you that these suggestions will be based on a thorough understanding of who each of you is as individuals, within the context of your unique backstory and resulting relationship patterns. From this informed perspective, you can make lasting and real improvements to your relationship.